Being over 50 I have come to the conclusion that “being nice” is waaaaaaay over-rated. Sometimes I dream about giving a scorpion as a present. Why not? It’s for an ex boss that has everything. I know what your thinking. Yes, I would have it gift wrapped with a matching bow. I’m not that callous.

There are people I no longer want to be around except for what is absolutely necessary. I bet you have some in your family or “friend of a friend” circle too. I have an internal “nice” meter and sometime I just run out of “minutes.” No “rollover minutes” either. When I’m done, I politely make up a lie and go home. The fact that I lie and make up stories might surprise you. One thing I learned in nursing: Therapeutic Fabrication is not lying. It brings peace on earth and goodwill to all.

I used to journal when I didn’t feel like being “nice.” I don’t have time to do all that long hand writing about someone that causes me pain and suffering. It contributes to my carpal tunnel syndrome. I have found a convenient check list letter that helps me to channel my seriously not nice feelings.

Acceptance Letter:
This letter is not to be sent. If you do send this, your acceptance may possibly be (circle one)

  • Irrevocable
  • Irreplaceable
  • A Broadway hit musical
  • Irreversible
  • Thrown back in your face at the speed of light

Dear (circle one)

  • Thighs
  • Daughter/son (or any variation of)
  • Ex (boyfriend, girlfriend, other___________)
  • Mom/Dad
  • Boss
  • Engagement ring
  • Religious leader
  • Mother-law, Father in Law
  • Expensive meal
  • Expensive so-called-trip-of-a-lifetime
  • Family pet
  • Pet rock
  • 1987 Mustang
  • Other____________________

This letter is for me and is my declaration of acceptance.

I am done harboring ill feelings toward you as (circle as many as you need)

  • An inanimate object of my desire
  • A Person that I gave birth to
  • A Person that owes me money
  • Car that broke down
  • A person that I wed
  • A family that I wed into
  • Pet that I rescued and didn’t want in the first place Body Part_______________
  • Other____________________

The energy it takes to harbor these negative emotions has (circle all that apply)

  • Given me hemorrhoids
  • Given me extreme flatulence
  • Given me Heartache
  • Depleted my bank account
  • Over extended my karma warantee
  • Ruined my diet
  • Made my drug dealer thank me profusely
  • Fed the proverbial “elephant in the living room” more than peanuts
  • Made my blood pressure go sky high
  • Other_____________________

Accepting the fact that (circle one: you or it,) didn’t meet my dreams or expectations, I realize I can learn to (circle one: love, wash, feed, pray for, stalk, work for) you in an entirely different way.

Feeling out of control has a lot to do with acceptance. With that said, I realize what I do have control over in our relationship is. (Circle All that apply):

  • Unconditional love
  • My bank account
  • My chocolate intake
  • Spending time with you (or not)
  • Taking you to the vet
  • Taking you to the cleaners
  • Watering you
  • Listening to you whine (or not)
  • Other_____________________

I am in the process of appreciating you in a new way. The rate at which I am doing this may be compared to  circle one)

  • A bat out of hell
  • Slow as molasses in February
  • Being shot out of a canon
  • Taking 1 step forward and 2 steps backward
  • a centipede putting on shoes
  • Other________________

Please accept my apology for not realizing how my “non acceptance” has affected you. I know I have been angry and it has manifested toward you. In the future I will;

  • Listen to you. However, your anger needs to be discussed with a trained: (circle one) Professional wrestler, therapist, dog whisperer, pharmaceutical rep
  • Take my medicine as prescribed
  • Talk calmly with you
  • Drink and meditate or drink and medicate before we see each other or
  • Walk you before meals
  • Say “Thank You” more often
  • Not offer you money or things, reconnect the spark plugs
  • Clean up my needles and drug paraphernalia
  • Share my chocolate
  • Tell you up front how much I have for “bail money”
  • Other_____________________

I also accept that these conditions of acceptance and apology may not be suitable for you (circle one):

  • For now
  • Ever
  • When pigs fly
  • You have got to be kidding!
  • Rot in jail you bastard!

With love and new beginnings,

I hope this journal check list helps you. I’m sharing only because I have a few minutes left on my nice meter.